This Veteran’s Day, Bryana Bruner, wife of a US Army Ranger veteran, mother of three young children, and sister of Maria Mengel (co-owner of Milk + Honey) is here to share her story. You’ll hear about her breastfeeding joys, triumphs, struggles, heartache, and how she managed to survive much of it alone, while her husband was in training or on deployment. We hope that this can be an encouragement to any young mother or military family.
During my first pregnancy, I spent zero time worrying about breastfeeding. I watched so many women breastfeed their babies and it looked so magical. It looked easy. Sure, I heard the stories about poor latches and soreness, but I took a class and thought I had that part figured out. What I wasn’t prepared for was the tongue and lip ties, dairy intolerance, nursing strikes, triple feedings, supplemental nursing system, thrush, and mastitis. This was all in the first three months of my son’s life and I somehow continued to breastfeed him until Luke was 14 months old. But enjoyable… not so much. It wasn’t what I imagined and I spent a lot of time alone trying to figure this out. My husband barely made it home from a deployment to make the birth of our son and he was traveling for training during the majority of the first year of his life. I didn’t even realize at the time how alone I felt through this process. Not only alone, but ashamed that it didn’t come easy for me. I struggled to reach out for help in every capacity and held in most of my fears, struggles, and anxiety.
It wasn’t until I had my second child that I realized how deeply that breastfeeding experience had an impact on me. A few weeks after our second was born, we learned that my husband was going to deploy again. She had actually been nursing wonderfully and we were having no issues. Until my anxiety set in, that is. I started having so much anxiety surrounding feeding my little baby girl that I was unable to function normally. I can remember waking up in the morning and the anxiety would hit me like a brick wall. I could literally feel it rush into my body as my eyes opened. I started to worry. I worried that she wasn’t getting enough milk, so I began taking her to a lactation consultant to get weighted feeds. The fact that I could see the ounces of milk she was taking in still did not convince my brain that all was well. I worried that she would develop a dairy intolerance like her brother and I became obsessed with every diaper and every little fussy noise that she made. I worried that every time she didn’t seem hungry and it had been two hours since she had eaten, that she was going to starve and my supply was going to drop. She was an amazing sleeper but I worried that she was sleeping too much, so I would wake her every three hours to eat. I became exhausted with worry and fear, and my husband was gone. I knew based on how immense these feelings became, that I needed help and support this time.
We walked through so many hardships while my husband was in the Army. But what I quickly learned, back in 2012 when we got married, was that military life will literally place people in your life. These people are not an accident and they become family. They are willing to answer the phone, listen when life is hard, bring you dinner, or in my case, walk with me through one of the most difficult times of my life. Every step of the way. It is quite amazing the bonds that you can make with people that you haven’t known for very long, and the lengths that people will go to help you. I ended up nursing Sarah until she was two years old and it became the most beautiful experience. I went on to have another baby and I am still currently nursing him at 18 months old. Military life is hard. But wow, the people that I met along that journey and the selflessness and love that I received from them was worth every step. So many are still walking through that life and I encourage anyone, military or not, to reach out when life is hard. The people that will help you are there. There are quite literally so many amazing people on this planet and you were placed right where you are, with the people that you need and that need you most, by design.
Make the friendships, enjoy the company, and accept the help when you need it.
