How Shannon discovered Triple-Feeding in the NICU

This story comes from Shannon. Shannon discoved triple-feeding after a NICU stay with her first and found exclusive pumping the best option for her with her second. Read on to see how different her two stories are!

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My breastfeeding journey started when I delivered my son at 29 weeks.  I unfortunately had many complications and was initially concerned about getting well enough to visit my son. I received a care package from an organization Today Is A Good Day, with items to help navigate the NICU. Inside was a bracelet that had “One day at a time” inscribed on it.  That ended up being my motto for our NICU and breastfeeding journey. Although my son was doing well in the NICU in the back of my mind I knew at any minute that could change and each good day was a step closer to having my son home. Providing breast milk for him was one thing I felt like I had some control over.

“I was so proud of myself when I was able to fill that syringe up.”

I vaguely remember a nurse asking me while recovering on the mom unit if I started pumping.  Shortly after she got us a pump and educated my husband.  Next thing I remember my husband was cracking open heating pads, warming me and helping me self express into a medicine cup.  We would then pull up the colostrum into a 5 ml syringe.  Then my husband would take it to the NICU.  After 24 hours I was able to hold my son.  The nurses encouraged me to continue to pump every 2-4 hours and to look at pictures or videos of my son while pumping. I was then moved to the maternity unit which was rough because I could hear other families and babies crying.  I got a message from the NICU that I needed more milk.  And if I couldn’t produce enough I could consent to using donor milk.  I didn’t want to use donor milk because there was just a case advertised on the news about milk being contaminated.  Luckily my younger sister was also breastfeeding and donated 6 ounces. I had never seen anyone else pump and was shocked how quickly she got those 6 ounces.  This special gift gave me time to allow my milk to come in.  As the days went on my supply came in and I was happy to continue to have enough milk for my son.  I was never stressed about having enough because he was taking less than I was pumping. I quickly graduated from syringes to” snappies” which held 2.5 oz.  My son was about a month old when we attempted to latch, we gave it a few tries with a breast shield.  The breast shield was helpful but hard to manage with one hand, along with all the cords my son was attached to.  I didn’t have high expectations, I just wanted us both to get comfortable.  At this time he still had a feeding tube. 

Learning how to take a bottle in NICU.

Eventually he was introduced to a bottle and we all were concerned about how much he could drink.  Whatever he didn’t finish was then placed in his feeding tube. I wasn’t attempting to breastfeed because I wanted him to be able to drink independently and knew this was a big goal to accomplish to go home. As time went on I got in a rhythm with pumping.  I had a schedule, got a 2nd set of pieces and kept one set at the NICU and one set at home.  We would still attempt to latch before feeding here and there.  I will never forget the time I got a message from his nurse saying that he finished his first bottle. I was so excited and knew he was closer to coming home.  Then a few days later, he finished a bottle with me.  I felt so accomplished.  I was never concerned or disappointed we were not breastfeeding, I was just happy I had enough to feed him and that it was helping him grow.  Exactly 2 months after we entered the NICU we were discharged.  I still have the voicemail of the doctor stating that he was cleared to be discharged and it was a great day to go home.  The same doctor was there when we were leaving. He asked how breastfeeding was going and I admitted I hadn’t been trying much because I was concerned about him taking his feeds independently. He encouraged me to keep trying and reminded me that he was still not a full term baby. And that some 40 week babies take weeks to figure it out.

Once home I continued to pump. But would attempt to latch and then give him a bottle and then pump.  I think the correct term is triple feed.  We tried different positions.  He preferred to nurse while I was laying down on my side.  We had follow up appointments with his NICU provider and they encouraged visiting a lactation consultant.  We went and they helped us with additional positions to try.  We began to get more comfortable but were still triple feeding.  My maternity leave was quickly coming to an end and I was debating if I should continue attempting to breastfeed or just pump.  Then the pandemic hit, and we were going to be home longer. At this point it was a little added motivation. My son was about 6 months old when we figured it out. We exclusively breastfeed until he was 25 months old.  We only stopped because I was expecting baby two in a few weeks.

Our last milk bank donation!

My second breastfeeding experience was very different.  My second son was born at 37 weeks. He immediately attempted to latch after birth.  I had some difficulty getting in a comfortable position in the hospital but we kept giving it a shot. He would get very sleepy and fall asleep and was only nursing for  5-10 minutes. Lactation consultant suggested self expressing into a spoon. That’s what we did. Once we got home we continued to attempt to breastfeed but he would get frustrated or distracted by his big brother. I also felt bad nursing him in front of my first son because he wanted to nurse as well.  Eventually, out of habit  I began pumping and feeding my son with a bottle. He seemed to enjoy the bottle more and at the time I was just satisfied he was being fed and getting the nutrients to grow and flourish.  I exclusively pumped for my 2nd son until he was about 18 months. It wasn't always easy but it's what worked out best for us. He began to wean himself around 15 months. I had a hard time decreasing my pumping schedule and it took about two months to eliminate my milk. Now that my breastfeeding journeys are over I'm sometimes sad I didn't have the same motivation the second time around but remind myself I was blessed to have a great supply to provide to my boys and other babies.  I ended up donating 603 ounces to a local milk bank that supplied donor milk to NICUs. And also donated about another 600 ounces to local moms.  I'm still holding on to some and got two beautiful pieces made by Milk and Honey.  I decided to share my stories to show other moms that everyone's breastfeeding stories are different and unique.  Whatever your body was able to do whether it was days,  months or years it is an accomplishment and special memory you will have with your child or children. 

Shannon with both of her adorable boys!

Shannon showing off her Milk+Honey Petite Pearl Choker made with milk from both her boys and her Milk+Honey Pearl Earrings (also using both milks)!

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What do you think about Shannon’s story? We think she did amazing! Thanks for sharing Shannon!

Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!

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Raquel's Story of Breastfeeding Rainbow Twins

Our story this week comes from Raquel. She shares her story of loss and then learning to breastfeed rainbow twins.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. It is a deep sadness that I feel in my bones when I read that one in four women will lose a baby during pregnancy, delivery, or infancy. My husband and I lost 2 pregnancies prior to bringing our rainbow babies into the world. While these losses were heartbreaking, I am convinced that they made me into the mother I am today. I believe they taught me the resiliency I would need for breastfeeding and mothering my children.

After a challenging twin pregnancy, at 38 weeks, I gave birth via cesarean section to my two perfect little girls. While the doctors were stitching me back together, I was unable to hold my girls, but my husband would alternate bringing their sweet pink cheeks to mine. Finally, as they were about to roll me out of the OR and into the recovery room, the nurses helped to place them both on my chest. It was pure bliss. We would spend the next magical golden hour skin to skin in the recovery room and the girls instinctively knew how to find what they needed. I assumed this meant that breastfeeding would be simple for us. I was wrong. Breastfeeding my twin girls was physically exhausting, mentally taxing, and sometimes painful. It was also some of my favorite moments of motherhood, an incredible bonding experience with my daughters, and one of my proudest accomplishments.

Initially both babies were jaundiced and losing too much weight so it was recommended to start to give them some formula. I was determined to continue to try breastfeeding so a lactation consultant helped us figure out how to feed the girls with a tube and syringe system. This was quite the episode.  Ideally, we would have 3 adults present each time I attempted to breastfeed (every 2-3 hours). My husband would usually help me set up and hold the tube and syringe system while I tried to get the first baby to latch. Another person would hold the 2nd baby and try to keep her from screaming while she waited to be fed. We would then have to switch the babies and do it all a 2nd time. Finally, after both babies had eaten and fallen back asleep, I would pump to try to get my supply up. I was lucky if I could rest for 45 minutes before getting ready to do it all over again. To say it was exhausting, is a dramatic understatement. 
My husband was extremely encouraging and kept reminding me of how badly I wanted to be able to breastfeed, but on the 6th day of using the tube and syringe method, my milk had still not fully come in. I made a “one last effort” appointment with a lactation consultant for the next day. I decided that if things were not going smoothly by this appointment, I would switch to formula in bottles. By some magic, my milk came in fully on day 7. The lactation consultant showed me how to set myself up to tandem feed both babies at the same time, and support them with a bunch of pillows, blankets and burp cloths. Everything just kind of clicked for all 3 of us. Eventually I even figured out that with about 6 different pillows (breastfeeding and regular) and a couple of burp cloths I could set us all up and successfully tandem feed my twins all on my own. While at times, it was still uncomfortable or challenging, overall breastfeeding went well for us for the next few months.

At 3 months, I went back to work full time. I would have to pump; however, the volume of milk that I needed to pump was ridiculously large to feed two babies. I actually pooled all my milk in a large insulated thermos instead of taking up space in the community fridge with half a dozen small bottles. Unfortunately, on more than 1 occasion, I had a hard time opening the thermos as the lid got stuck and had to ask for help opening it. I learned very quickly that I should have warned my coworker what the thermos was for when I saw the look of horror on her face when she realized what she was handling. It wasn’t because she thought it was gross, but because she fully understood how precious that liquid was. I was also lucky enough to be able to purchase a hands-free in bra pump. This was critical to my success with pumping as I was able to pump in the car driving to and from work and even at my desk. I still closed the door for privacy, but there was a time when I forgot to lock it. A coworker came in, had a conversation with me and left without even noticing that I was pumping! Things like the thermos, hands free pump and having a private office did make pumping at work logistically easier for me (and provided some funny moments); however, it was still so challenging mentally and physically. I hated pumping, and yet I still really loved our sweet quiet breast-feeding times first thing in the morning or right before bed.

At 6 months, my supply started to dip and I needed to start supplementing with formula again. I continued to breastfeed as much as I could. By 9 months, I had a strong feeling of dread every time I had to pump at work and decided it was time to stop. My milk supply continued to drop, but I still breastfeed them a few times a day while also giving them food and formula as they needed.

I am so grateful to say that I was able to breastfeed to some extent until the girls were 17 months old. Unfortunately, we were not able to stop on our own terms. I developed a medical problem that required medication that I wasn’t allowed to breastfeed while taking. Prior to taking the first dose, I went home and had 1 last focused breastfeeding session with them. It was just me and my girls as we enjoyed the sweet, calm, special bonding moments for one last time. We closed out our breastfeeding journey and I reflected on how grateful I am for everything that led me to that moment. The loss of our first two babies in pregnancies that ended too soon. The support system that held me together during the most challenging time of my life. My loving husband and amazing father to our beautiful rainbow babies. And all the time, dedication, determination, and a lot of luck that was required throughout our breastfeeding journey.

Raquel’s Necklace is the Heirloom Milk+Honey(comb) Necklace in Yellow Gold. (The earrings are discontinued - SORRY!)

I now wear my Milk and Honey{comb} necklace as a reminder and symbol of this entire journey. Two cells have tiny gold flakes to represent our first two angel babies. Two other cells have pink flakes to represent our twin girls. There are a few cells left open to represent the openness to what the future may hold. For me, the honeycomb represents the support system that held me together and continues to support and help us raise our two daughters.

The other day, I took my now one and a half year old toddlers outside to see their first rainbow. I was brought back to Mother’s Day 2020 when I saw a huge double rainbow after taking a positive pregnancy test. I was cautiously hopeful for the future and what could be, but I couldn’t even have imagined that my double rainbow would end up being these two amazing little girls. I think back on how far we’ve come and everything we have overcome and I am honestly just in awe of our little family. Our breastfeeding journey was not simple. It involved tubes, syringes, pumping, bottles, lots of pillows and even more support from our “bee hive”. It was beautiful though, just like the rainbow arched over our backyard.

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Raquel, thank you so much for sharing your story! You are amazing - overcoming all those obstacles!

What do you think of Raquel’s story? Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!

Jaci's Breastfeeding Story

Our story this week comes from Jaci. Jaci shares about her breastfeeding story that started during the height of the pandemic and how she learned so much from her experience that helped her prepare her for breastfeeding her second child.

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My breastfeeding journey is not at all what I would have expected it to be. With my first son, I knew I wanted to breastfeed but I was not prepared for how hard and at times stressful it can be. From the beginning I worried things were not going to be successful. I was not allowed to do skin to skin and he and I were separated for 12 hours. My son was born in April 2020 when the world was still new to COVID. I was induced after hours of being in labor and pushing, I had a fever at one point and they immediately treated me as if I had COVID. I was not allowed to hold my son until I had a negative COVID test. I was hit with so many overwhelming thoughts and feelings but one fear was “is this time away from my son going to ruin my chances at breastfeeding?”

While my son and I were separated, I had a pump in my room and I was able to produce a little colostrum to send with the nurses. Making an already traumatizing experience even worse, I had a few nurses who made me feel like I was failing at being able to properly provide for my son. Once we were finally reunited, I had a brief visit from the lactation consultant who made me feel inadequate. Not to mention, I felt things were very rushed and I left the hospital feeling like I still had no idea what I was doing. Because of the pandemic it was hard to find any additional support. 

For the first few weeks of becoming a mom and battling postpartum depression, I was figuring out how to breastfeed. I dealt with incorrect latches, supply issues and the feeling that I should just give up. However, I stuck with it and I was able to successfully breastfeed for 18 months, surpassing any time frame I had originally imagined. When it came time to wean I wasn’t mentally or physically prepared for just how hard it would be. To my surprise my son handled it well, it was me who shed the tears.

The bond I was able to have with my son because of our breastfeeding journey is incredibly special. All thanks to the cluster feedings, long nights, sick days, times of comfort and so much more. It came as quite the surprise when just a month after I stopped nursing I found out I was pregnant. Here I am now almost 3 months into another breastfeeding journey. This time, one that started from the moment my son was born. 

With my experience and knowledge from before, I’m feeling more confident today and thankfully we’re off to a good start. It’s true each baby is different but the bond and extra love that builds from breastfeeding is the same. This time, I also feel extra grateful to be in a position where I can work from home and keep my baby home with me. I can tell you now, I don’t miss having to pump in a bathroom or random storage space with no lock. 

I hope to make it to a year this final time and I know when it’s time to stop it will be even harder than the last. I know how lucky I am to be able to provide for my boys and I don’t take a single day for granted.

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What do you think about Jaci’s story? We think she did amazing! Thanks for sharing Jaci!

Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog?

Megan's Breastfeeding Story from the NICU

Our breastfeeding story this week comes from Megan. Megan shares her story of pumping for her daughter in the NICU.

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My breastfeeding story is not the typical one or the story I thought I would have. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and imagined having multiple children early on. We waited until we were 28 to get married, traveled a bit, and I decided to get off of birth control after a year of marriage. My doctor warned me it could take some time to regulate, but I was not ready for the journey we were going to have. 

We started trying to conceive in 2018 and did not have an easy time. My period never came and after 6 months of trying to regulate, I had to be put on medication to induce my period. My gynecologist at the time did blood work and realized I was not ovulating when I was supposed to be and that my testosterone was high. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2018 and was sent to a PCOS specialist/Fertility doctor. At this time, I was working for a school that did not cover fertility treatments, so we had to wait until I changed jobs and/or switched to my husband's insurance. Thankfully I got a new teaching job in a District that covered fertility in 2019. 

The reason that we went to this specific fertility doctor was because he was a PCOS specialist. My husband and I both did bloodwork and I was put on Metformin to help with my PCOS and to lose weight. At this time I began working out and watching what I was eating, trying to be healthy so I could conceive. The only way I would get a regular period was if I was weight lifting 3 times a week and was under a certain weight. This was not the best time of my life and then COVID happened and the world stopped. 

We had to pause all our fertility treatments/plans because of COVID. Once we were able to begin again, things that happened at our doctor started to question if we were at the right fertility office for us. They gave us condescending information, wanted my husband to retake tests that he already took, and finally they gave us wrong test results. This last step was when we decided we needed to find a new fertility doctor. We ended up switching fertility doctors and got very lucky and got pregnant on our first round of IUI in January of 2021, with a due date of September 28. We decided we didn’t want to know the gender and wanted to be surprised. 

Since this was a fertility pregnancy and with a diagnosis of a short cervix, I was considered high risk. I would see my normal OB and then a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor regularly. While preparing for the baby and not knowing the gender, we decided to make the nursery a Harry Potter theme. My husband and I are both obsessed with books and movies. This would be a perfect theme for our new addition. We had our nursery planned, showers planned, a mini babymoon planned and were so excited for the third trimester! 

During our babymoon, I started having leg pain and chest pain. I was 27 weeks and was cleared to travel by my OB. I assumed it was just because we drove 8 hours to Tennessee and was being affected by the elevation. I was swollen for most of my pregnancy, but my blood pressure was always okay. When we got back from Tennessee, I had my normal 28 week check up (even though I was 27+3 at the time). The OB found protein in my urine and my liver enzymes were elevated. 

I was first hospitalized on July 2, 2021 for preeclampsia monitoring. We spent the 4th of July weekend in the hospital, but were lucky since we had a surround sound view of fireworks. By Monday, my liver enzymes went back to normal and I was put on bedrest at home with weekly appointments with my MFM doctor and my OB. I was not allowed to start the school year in August, and was told we were going to keep the baby in for as long as possible. Three days after I was released from the hospital at my first MFM appointment, I was hospitalized again because my baby’s umbilical cord was being affected by my blood pressure being so high. 

I delivered our daughter on July 8, 2021 (we didn’t know what we were having!) at 28+2. We named her Nora. My preeclampsia turned into HELLP syndrome and I had an emergency c-section, which I was put under for. My platelets were at 44 when I went into surgery and I needed a blood transfusion. She was in the NICU for 76 days and my breastfeeding journey was pumping because that was literally the only thing I could do. Since I am a teacher and on summer break, I was pumping every 3-4 hours – at home and while visiting Nora in the NICU. When Nora was first born, she was only getting a very tiny amount, so each of my pumps was feeding her for a few days. I had a fairly normal supply and would pump anywhere from 2-6 ounces every pump. I filled up the NICU freezer and our freezer at home. It was a long time until I actually had to bring milk to the hospital since I pumped there everyday. 

Due to all this pumping and freezing, I was able to feed Nora through her NICU stay and up until she was 4 months old / 1 month adjusted. Nora was able to come home on September 22, 2021. I stopped fresh pumping in the beginning of October, and she ate all of the frozen milk. 

Pumping was exhausting, but it was the only thing I had control of while she was in the NICU. It, honestly, was the only thing that made me feel like a real mom for those 76 days. I found Milk + Honey on Instagram, and at first I thought it was weird…. But then I started my own journey and realized how special this is and how time consuming and close it made me and Nora.

I got a ring and I wear it on my thumb. It has gold and red flakes - gold and red to represent Gryffindor House and red for Nora’s birthstone, which is a Ruby. I adore my breast milk mothers ring because it reminds me of what Nora and I overcame and how our relationship started. If Nora would be lucky enough to attend Hogwarts, she would for sure be in Gryffindor House for her bravery. It’s amazing to me how much she has already done in her short life and I am so lucky to be her mother through this all.

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What do you think about Megan’s story? We think she did an awesome job! Thanks for sharing Megan!

Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!

Alyssa's Breastfeeding Story

This breastfeeding story comes from Alyssa. Alyssa had two different journeys breastfeeding her sons and learned some valuable life lessons!

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When our first son was born, it was my goal to breastfeed for 6 months. I was certain I wouldn’t want to go beyond that and would happily relinquish feeding duty to his dad at that time. Well, I breastfed our first son until he was 17 months old. Aside from the usual aches, pains, and learning curves, it was a pretty easy journey. He latched right away, my milk came in right on time, and before I knew it I could feed him while simultaneously folding laundry or cooking dinner. Despite intermittently feeling like a human pacifier, I really enjoyed our breastfeeding journey and was all sorts of emotional when my son decided he was done out of the blue one day. I had been a slight over-supplier so I was able to donate about 80 ounces I had left over to a baby that had been adopted. The whole journey felt so great, I would dare say perfect, so when I got pregnant with our second baby I expected the same thing. 

Insert sarcastic laughter here.*

Our second son came into this world thinking everything would be given to him with minimal effort on his part. He had a lazy latch, he lost nearly 10% of his body weight by 3 days old, his bilirubin was borderline, and my milk trickled in slowly which resulted in us nearly having to supplement with formula. Gasp! Supplementing was absolutely not an option in my mind at the time so I shoved my toddler over to my husband and breastfed nearly 24/7 for the next 2 days in an attempt to fix everything. Which I did. I was thrilled when our son’s weight surpassed his birth weight and his bilirubin levels returned to normal within a week of delivery. I thought the worst was behind us until a white-coated tongue reared its ugly head and our sweet babe was diagnosed with thrush. For 5 weeks, I gave him oral nystatin 4 times per day and applied clotrimazole cream to my nipples after every single feed. I sterilized all of my pump equipment and washed everything that came in touch with my breastmilk on a daily basis. I remember thinking to myself that I’d rather have mastitis because it’d be easier to treat. So when the aching and redness started, I laughed and cursed at myself. Our little guy had a tongue tie, so we had that revised and I finished antibiotics and was back to normal for a few days. And then the body aches and redness came back with a vengeance. 

Since his birth 5 months ago, I have had 7 bouts of mastitis resulting in multiple antibiotics, 2 mammograms, decreased milk supply, and the seemingly dreaded necessity to supplement with formula. This decision came with so much anxiety, feelings of guilt, and lots of tears. I felt like a failure. I spend portions of my day working in healthcare telling moms that “fed is best”, but I couldn’t accept that myself. My loving, supportive, encouraging husband assured me that I was doing such a great job; that supplementing was not a sign of failure. I have successfully built my supply back up since this most recent bout of mastitis but we continue to supplement because our son seems to be a bottomless pit. I am so glad I continue to provide for him, but I am also happy that my husband can tag in and give him a bottle from time to time so that I can spend more time with our toddler or get a stretch of sleep once in a blue moon. 

This breastfeeding journey has been nothing compared to my first. It has come with different forms of growth, a different appreciation for the challenges that cause mothers to quit breastfeeding, a deeper sense of satisfaction in overcoming obstacle after obstacle, and letting go of the plans I made and going with the flow instead. At the end of the day, I am just as proud of this journey as I am of my first, even if I am unable to breastfeed as long as I did previously. By sharing my story, it is my hope that any woman who reads it feels accomplished no matter what her story is. Though each story is unique, every woman should feel proud of bringing a life into the world and making the often tough decisions necessary to ensure her child is happy and healthy. Because we may not be perfect, but we are exactly what our children need. And sometimes we forget how incredibly amazing we are.

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What do you think about Alyssa’s story? We think she is amazing! Thanks for sharing Alyssa!

Did you face the possibility of supplementing or formula feeding your baby due to issues with breastfeeding? How did you work through that decision? Let us know in the comments below!

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Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!

Skyla's Breastfeeding Story of How Fed is Best

Our story this week comes from Skyla. Skyla had a rough start to breastfeeding and was under a tremendous amount of pressure from family to make it work. Read how Skyla worked through that pressure to find what worked best for her and her baby.

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Nobody ever really knows what to expect when getting pregnant. You hear so many horror stories of how people feel during pregnancy from the 24/7 morning sickness all the way to the terrifying medical problems. But one thing is for sure; everyone talks about how excited they are to be pregnant, to bring a life into the world. My journey was different. My pregnancy was relatively simple? Aside from morning sickness briefly and some heartburn near the end, I didn’t really feel pregnant except the obviously large baby bump.

This being my first baby, I was both terrified yet so excited to finally become a mom. Something I’ve always wanted since I was 18 years of age (I am now 30). There was a lot of conversation between my partner and I regarding how things would be once baby came, but 2 things I was unsure of was finding out the gender before the little one came and breastfeeding. Yes, we waited the entire pregnancy not knowing what we were having! I secretly tried finding out later on behind my partner's back but our little one had other plans. 

Whenever I thought about the idea of breastfeeding, it honestly kind of terrified me. I’ve seen online of women whose breasts become lopsided or getting mastitis and it was scary to me. I have had conversations with friends and other women about it and most would agree the best is when baby is fed. Doesn’t matter if it is from the breast, from pumping to bottle or straight formula feeding. Although most of the people I know would give very supportive answers and would tell me that whatever I choose will be right for my baby, my mother-in-law had a very strong opinion when it came to “breast is best”. As a young mother to 3, she raised all 3 of them and breast-fed all for as long as she could. She gave some really valid points that definitely swayed me more to wanting to breastfeed. While being in the middle of a pandemic, I wanted to be able to give my child the best I could. I made the decision before they came that I would breast feed. It has amazing nutritional values, great for her immune system and it was free. 

Sixteen days before my due date at around 9:00pm, my water broke. I had just finished peeing in the bathroom and I was just sitting down to eat a delicious deep-fried donut that I had been waiting all day for. “What in the world just happened? Did I pee myself? I just went to the bathroom but I wouldn’t be surprised if I did.” These are a few things that were running through my head in that moment, as I had never had my water break before. But I knew! I knew it had because it just kept coming out. I was panicking briefly, yelling up to my mother-in-law while I’m in my underwear because we didn’t have our hospital bag packed and I wasn’t ready. My partner had gone out to participate in a hockey game but didn’t think to keep his phone on him so I couldn’t get ahold of him. After having a friend drive down to the arena whose husband was playing with my partner, she informed him I was going into labor.

As I am casually packing my bag, my partner is barreling down the stairs in half gear panicking, expecting me to have already had the baby! A little dramatic and pre-anticipated but I was calm and packing our hospital bag while standing in our room in a diaper, literally! But after it was packed and he finished showering, we were on our way thinking this baby was coming tonight. It had previously been decided that I would be having a C-section due to a medical concern but we weren’t sure if they were going to schedule one that night or hold off. Thankfully they decided to give me some morphine to slow down labor and let me sleep it off until booking an emergency cesarean for 8am the next morning. I was so nervous and so excited at the same time, I was up until 4am just hanging out in the closet of a room that they set me up in.

Morning rolls up and my partner wakes me up holding a coffee, a bagel sandwich and a hash brown from Tim Horton’s. It was actually quite a nice gesture bringing me breakfast since I couldn’t eat my donut last night and needed to fast in order to have this baby. 

As my partner and I are talking while he’s eating breakfast, which was such a tease since by this point I’m starving, the doctor comes in and informs me that it is time to start heading to the Operating Room. It’s happening, it is finally time that we are going to bring our little baby into the world. It is so scary but yet so exciting. And after 2 hours of prep and operating, she was here! That’s right, we had a little girl!! She was finally here and we could start our journey together.

In the recovery room after they did all of the baby’s measurements, the nurse finally hands her over to try and breastfeed. She is struggling. Going into labour early plus having a C-section, my colostrum didn’t come in. It was quite frustrating, as we knew the baby had to eat but my body just hadn’t had time to produce what she needed.

As a first time mom when my partner would head home to sleep, I would find myself, late at night alone, trying to understand what it means to be just that… a first time mom. 

Although I had some nurses who were amazing and open to helping me try and get my milk to come in so that the baby can try and breastfeed, I did have an extremely negative experience on my last night that I will never forget. 

With the pressures of my milk not coming in and being told I can’t leave the hospital unless I have a solid breastfeeding plan to try to navigate motherhood on my own, it was quite overwhelming. I had been ringing the bell hoping to have a nurse help me try and figure out how to express so that my milk would come in. It was very late (4AM), I was extremely sleep deprived and on top of that, dealing with a screaming newborn that was hungry because I had nothing. She couldn’t breastfeed. I wanted to breastfeed but my only option was to give formula. 

When someone over the speaker finally answered me, they said someone would come and help me then dismissed the alarm. After 30-45 minutes of nobody coming to help, I rang the bell again… this older woman came into the room, pushed the bassinet out of the way, knocked over the garbage can and its contents and turned the alarm off. She asked me what I wanted and I told her, “I am extremely exhausted, I’m trying to get my milk to come in to feed the baby. Can you please help?” 

She looked at me and with a ignorant/dismissive tone, she told me that she doesn’t know what to tell me, maybe I should just bottle feed the baby and go to bed. After she said that, she just walked out of the room. I then had to crawl out of bed to bring the bassinet back next to the bed so I could put the baby in it and bent down to the ground 3 days post-op from a caesarean to pick up the garbage can that definitely weighed more than the baby and the garbage that spilled all over the floor. 

I was upset because I was tired, and struggling. I felt defeated. I wanted to be able to do what every mother is capable of doing but I couldn’t. On top of my milk coming in slowly, I was only given fast flow nipples so my journey to breastfeed ended long before it even started. Imagine the first hours/days of your life, you are funneling your food down and not needing to work for it like you would if you were to have breastfed from the start. Of course she didn’t want to latch, she just wanted the food now.

After being discharged from the hospital, I was finally able to start over and try and have my journey to breastfeeding be a little different. Maybe we could find a way to have her latch without getting so angry my milk wasn’t coming out like a rocket. So many hopes, but it didn’t end up going that way. She only wanted a bottle, so I was trying to pump and feed on demand. I couldn’t keep up with how much she needed to eat because my milk hadn’t really come in yet and I still had pressures within the home of needing to feed directly from the breast. Having my father-in-law tell me that the only way I am going to bond with my daughter is if she is breastfed straight from the boob and his wife agreeing. So I was determined to feed her breast milk somehow. With that being stuck in my head I was constantly trying to get her to latch when she was hungry but it was the same thing, scream consistently until she got the bottle. And for any exclusively breast pumping mommas out there, they can all agree that it is like a job in itself. The whole process could take an hour and a half from pumping your breasts, to feeding the baby, to washing the bottles and breast pump equipment, to sterilizing. It was a lot! And by the time you were finished, the kid is all of a sudden hungry again. I felt like a cow at this point, trying to keep up with my oversupply of milk to make sure I don’t get mastitis and to make sure we weren’t giving the baby formula because “breast is best”. I was exhausted.

My entire breastfeeding lasted about 2 months. Within those 2 months, I had completely lost myself and my mental health went so far down; I wasn’t in a safe mindset. Prior to having my daughter, I was diagnosed with Perinatal Depression and Anxiety so I was already struggling mentally. But after, it became so much worse. The moment where everyone finally realized that formula feeding the baby might be a better choice was when I put my daughter in an unsafe position and it took me 30 minutes to realize what had happened. She was thankfully safe and okay, but I had completely shut down and was at my breaking point. I didn’t want to stop giving her breast milk because I knew it was better for her than formula, and it was inexpensive. Spending $50 every week and a half on a carton of formula just wasn’t a part of my breastfeeding journey. I felt guilty for not being able to keep up with what I wanted for her but I knew that my mental health is what would be best for us as a family in the end. I went from exclusively pumping to supplementing formula for first and last feeds to strictly formula. In that moment, that was when I started to see that I was becoming more of myself again, I was becoming her mom. Aside from the struggles that were still happening internally with PPD and PPA, I was able to finally have some free time to enjoy being a mother. I started to appreciate that I finally made the right steps for myself and for my daughter.

There are so many arguments and debates towards why “breast is best” but realistically, it’s not. Fed is best! My milk supply wasn’t enough for my daughter, it wasn’t fatty enough so she wasn’t gaining weight and as I had already mentioned, it completely destroyed my mental health to where I couldn’t be a mother, a partner or even a person at that point. Formula feeding her was actually helping her grow and thrive and the free time I had from not having to do the whole pumping process was letting me enjoy motherhood finally. I am now 8 months postpartum, still struggling with PPD and PPA but I am enjoying being a mother more than I ever imagined. She officially crawled yesterday and a week ago she said her first words, “mama”.

Motherhood is so beautiful, even with those difficult moments in some weird way they help us become stronger parents. Now that I look back on my journey, the only advice I would give to myself would be to not stress and care so much about what others do or say. This is YOUR journey, do what you feel is best for you and your child. The choices you make will always be the right one. And don’t feel guilty when you make a decision that is best for your health as well because in the end, it will benefit yourself and your child.

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What do you think about Skyla’s story? We think she did an amazing job at figuring out what worked best for her and her baby! Thanks for sharing Skyla!

Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!

Carly's Breastfeeding Story and Some Nursing Tips for New Moms

Our story this week comes from Carly. After nursing two babies, she’s found some tricks and good advice for new nursing moms - whether it’s your first and last!

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Both my breastfeeding journeys had similarities and differences, but my key takeaways were that neither was “easy” and both were so worth it. My first daughter was born in 2016 weighing 5 lbs. 10 oz. and consistently gained weight and latched, but I had incredible pain for weeks. 
Even after a lip tie revision and multiple lactation appointments to work on her latch, I had bad bruising and pain until she was about eight weeks old and finally opened her mouth wide enough for nursing to not be painful. Although I cried (with her) through many middle of the night feedings, I’m so glad I stuck with it. Unfortunately I was an ounce obsessed pumper once I went back to work, and while I was able to meet my goal of breastfeeding without supplementing the entire first year, it definitely came at a cost. 

I pumped multiple times a day, adding in extra pumps before work and before bed (all while nursing overnight) to keep our freezer stash going, and when it ultimately began to dwindle at 10-11 months I did panic a bit. The fears were unfounded and she actually had frozen breast milk until she was 15 months, and nursed until 19 months after many months of me trying to wean due to the fact that she was an “acrobatic nurser.” 

I know that without additional lactation support and education early on, we wouldn’t have made it through those early weeks, and with my understanding of the road blocks during breastfeeding I was sure my second baby would be easier. 

Wrong.

And not only was it not easier, the challenges were totally different. Spoiler. It didn’t hurt less. It did hurt for less time. What was most upsetting about my experience with our second daughter was that even though I in theory knew what to look for, we had an undiagnosed tier three tongue tie (and lip tie) until eight months. 

She was an avid nurser from the beginning and I was in way less pain after about two weeks, so I thought things were going really well. When I started having pain again at four weeks, I all but assumed this would be how it was forever. At every doctor’s appointment I brought up the fact that she choked while eating and almost sounded like she was aspirating at feedings. Since she was gaining weight the doctor (and lactation consultant (LC) at the pediatrician) assured me that she was fine. 

Fast forward to our four month appointment and she wasn’t transferring more than 2 oz during a morning feeding, and the LC at the ped called her a “slow gainer” because she dropped from the 55% down into the 42%. She maintained her growth percentile in the 40s and 50s throughout her first year, but that comment really shook me. I started taking fish oil and pumped once a day even though I stayed home with her for almost a year. 

When we went to introduce solids at six months she had an FPIES (Food protein-induced enterocolitis syndrome) reaction that led me down a huge rabbit hole of food allergies and how to introduce solids when your little one has an allergic reaction. That said, she’d never had formula or any dairy, which was a big potential FPIES trigger.

In the midst of this diagnosis, she started refusing to nurse more than 3-4 minutes at a time during the day, while nursing 3x overnight. I was exhausted and panicked at the thought my supply would tank since she wasn’t nursing during the day, and I didn’t even know if she could safely drink formula due to the potential allergy. 

I also noticed that when we were giving solids she seemed unable to swallow well, and was having trouble keeping the food in her mouth. Our oldest never had this problem and I wondered if she hadn’t lost the “tongue thrust reflex” that keeps babies from choking. 

As all this was happening at the same time, I finally found a lactation consultant who was willing to help. We were in the midst of early COVID and she couldn’t see me in person since we’d left the hospital, but she recommended a pediatric dentist, a craniosacral therapist, and a private LC I could also visit. 

With many appointments in hand, I was pumping multiple times a day to keep my supply up, nursing all night, and trying to keep my sanity with a four-year-old in pre-K and COVID running rampant. I found out my daughter had a tier three tongue tie that probably contributed to her choking on milk in the early days, and may be impacting her ability to swallow solids. We got both her tongue and lip released at eight months and did the exercises every three hours to keep it from sealing back together. 

At this point I’d also seen another LC (and she still wasn’t transferring more than 2 oz during her morning nurse) but she told me she felt strongly that our daughter was thriving and that she was doing OK – and as long as she kept nursing I could stop pumping during the day. We finally tried another round of sleep training at nine months because I couldn’t handle the 3x/night wake ups with no nursing during the day, and wanted to get to a more “normal” feeding and sleep schedule. After a couple of weeks we got to a much better place. 

We also started seeing an allergist and nutritionist virtually through the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) FPIES clinic, and had a plan to tackle solid introduction. I also relaxed a little once she had yogurt and could in theory tolerate dairy. At this point I had over 1,000 oz. of breastmilk in the freezer because I’d pumped daily without giving extra bottles. 

During the time of her FPIES reaction and nursing strike during the day, we switched pediatricians. I called the LC (who was also a nurse) on staff at our old pediatrician and she told me not to worry about the FPIES reaction and that we’d talk about it at her nine month appointment, but to stop giving rice, which was her trigger food – (duh). She also told me during the nursing strike that our daughter was self weaning, and that I should introduce cups instead of the breast. My daughter was also refusing cups, which made my anxiety worse. The combination of the bad advice in her first few months, a dismissal of the FPIES, and her thoughts that we were weaning at seven months made it too hard for me to stay, and so we found a new pediatrician. 

I’m so passionate about the fact that most moms aren’t given enough information to get off to a fast start on their nursing journeys, I put together a free breastfeeding quick start guide that helps you with everything you need to know to begin nursing a baby. It’s filled with all the information I wish I’d known the first time around. It breaks my heart that so many women feel like they have to give up on their breastfeeding goals simply because they don't have the information or tools to help. 

As I look back, the one thing I want other moms to know is that they should trust their gut. I knew something was wrong with her feeding as an infant, and although we didn’t get it fixed until much later, I did push to speak to three lactation consultants and the pediatrician the first month of COVID when everything was locked down. 

I didn’t believe that the FPIES reaction was “nothing” and that we should just go about our day. I found another doctor who took me seriously and was able to diagnose what was going on. We were lucky to catch it so early and come up with a plan. 

After she went on her nursing strike, I didn’t take it at face value that she was weaning. I went in search of other information and found help. I finally figured out that her tongue tie combined with the distractibility of a seven-month-old could have just made it too “hard” for her to nurse during the day. We got answers, and I’m happy to say she’s still nursing at 21 months. 

We recently left our daughters for the first time in two years (and the first time ever for our youngest) and I was so sad to think that she may not want to nurse when we came home. I know that our time is coming to an end soon, but I’ll always look back on this time with my babies as some of the best in my life. After 40+ months of nursing two daughters, it’s been a long road, but one that I wouldn’t trade for anything. 

I’m so glad we made it through. And I’m so grateful that we had the help to keep going.

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What do you think about Carly’s story? We think she did an amazing job of fighting for her babies! Thanks for sharing Carly!
Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!