Our story this week comes from Carly. After nursing two babies, she’s found some tricks and good advice for new nursing moms - whether it’s your first and last!
Both my breastfeeding journeys had similarities and differences, but my key takeaways were that neither was “easy” and both were so worth it. My first daughter was born in 2016 weighing 5 lbs. 10 oz. and consistently gained weight and latched, but I had incredible pain for weeks.
Even after a lip tie revision and multiple lactation appointments to work on her latch, I had bad bruising and pain until she was about eight weeks old and finally opened her mouth wide enough for nursing to not be painful. Although I cried (with her) through many middle of the night feedings, I’m so glad I stuck with it. Unfortunately I was an ounce obsessed pumper once I went back to work, and while I was able to meet my goal of breastfeeding without supplementing the entire first year, it definitely came at a cost.
I pumped multiple times a day, adding in extra pumps before work and before bed (all while nursing overnight) to keep our freezer stash going, and when it ultimately began to dwindle at 10-11 months I did panic a bit. The fears were unfounded and she actually had frozen breast milk until she was 15 months, and nursed until 19 months after many months of me trying to wean due to the fact that she was an “acrobatic nurser.”
I know that without additional lactation support and education early on, we wouldn’t have made it through those early weeks, and with my understanding of the road blocks during breastfeeding I was sure my second baby would be easier.
Wrong.
And not only was it not easier, the challenges were totally different. Spoiler. It didn’t hurt less. It did hurt for less time. What was most upsetting about my experience with our second daughter was that even though I in theory knew what to look for, we had an undiagnosed tier three tongue tie (and lip tie) until eight months.
She was an avid nurser from the beginning and I was in way less pain after about two weeks, so I thought things were going really well. When I started having pain again at four weeks, I all but assumed this would be how it was forever. At every doctor’s appointment I brought up the fact that she choked while eating and almost sounded like she was aspirating at feedings. Since she was gaining weight the doctor (and lactation consultant (LC) at the pediatrician) assured me that she was fine.
Fast forward to our four month appointment and she wasn’t transferring more than 2 oz during a morning feeding, and the LC at the ped called her a “slow gainer” because she dropped from the 55% down into the 42%. She maintained her growth percentile in the 40s and 50s throughout her first year, but that comment really shook me. I started taking fish oil and pumped once a day even though I stayed home with her for almost a year.
When we went to introduce solids at six months she had an FPIES (Food protein-induced enterocolitis syndrome) reaction that led me down a huge rabbit hole of food allergies and how to introduce solids when your little one has an allergic reaction. That said, she’d never had formula or any dairy, which was a big potential FPIES trigger.
In the midst of this diagnosis, she started refusing to nurse more than 3-4 minutes at a time during the day, while nursing 3x overnight. I was exhausted and panicked at the thought my supply would tank since she wasn’t nursing during the day, and I didn’t even know if she could safely drink formula due to the potential allergy.
I also noticed that when we were giving solids she seemed unable to swallow well, and was having trouble keeping the food in her mouth. Our oldest never had this problem and I wondered if she hadn’t lost the “tongue thrust reflex” that keeps babies from choking.
As all this was happening at the same time, I finally found a lactation consultant who was willing to help. We were in the midst of early COVID and she couldn’t see me in person since we’d left the hospital, but she recommended a pediatric dentist, a craniosacral therapist, and a private LC I could also visit.
With many appointments in hand, I was pumping multiple times a day to keep my supply up, nursing all night, and trying to keep my sanity with a four-year-old in pre-K and COVID running rampant. I found out my daughter had a tier three tongue tie that probably contributed to her choking on milk in the early days, and may be impacting her ability to swallow solids. We got both her tongue and lip released at eight months and did the exercises every three hours to keep it from sealing back together.
At this point I’d also seen another LC (and she still wasn’t transferring more than 2 oz during her morning nurse) but she told me she felt strongly that our daughter was thriving and that she was doing OK – and as long as she kept nursing I could stop pumping during the day. We finally tried another round of sleep training at nine months because I couldn’t handle the 3x/night wake ups with no nursing during the day, and wanted to get to a more “normal” feeding and sleep schedule. After a couple of weeks we got to a much better place.
We also started seeing an allergist and nutritionist virtually through the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) FPIES clinic, and had a plan to tackle solid introduction. I also relaxed a little once she had yogurt and could in theory tolerate dairy. At this point I had over 1,000 oz. of breastmilk in the freezer because I’d pumped daily without giving extra bottles.
During the time of her FPIES reaction and nursing strike during the day, we switched pediatricians. I called the LC (who was also a nurse) on staff at our old pediatrician and she told me not to worry about the FPIES reaction and that we’d talk about it at her nine month appointment, but to stop giving rice, which was her trigger food – (duh). She also told me during the nursing strike that our daughter was self weaning, and that I should introduce cups instead of the breast. My daughter was also refusing cups, which made my anxiety worse. The combination of the bad advice in her first few months, a dismissal of the FPIES, and her thoughts that we were weaning at seven months made it too hard for me to stay, and so we found a new pediatrician.
I’m so passionate about the fact that most moms aren’t given enough information to get off to a fast start on their nursing journeys, I put together a free breastfeeding quick start guide that helps you with everything you need to know to begin nursing a baby. It’s filled with all the information I wish I’d known the first time around. It breaks my heart that so many women feel like they have to give up on their breastfeeding goals simply because they don't have the information or tools to help.
As I look back, the one thing I want other moms to know is that they should trust their gut. I knew something was wrong with her feeding as an infant, and although we didn’t get it fixed until much later, I did push to speak to three lactation consultants and the pediatrician the first month of COVID when everything was locked down.
I didn’t believe that the FPIES reaction was “nothing” and that we should just go about our day. I found another doctor who took me seriously and was able to diagnose what was going on. We were lucky to catch it so early and come up with a plan.
After she went on her nursing strike, I didn’t take it at face value that she was weaning. I went in search of other information and found help. I finally figured out that her tongue tie combined with the distractibility of a seven-month-old could have just made it too “hard” for her to nurse during the day. We got answers, and I’m happy to say she’s still nursing at 21 months.
We recently left our daughters for the first time in two years (and the first time ever for our youngest) and I was so sad to think that she may not want to nurse when we came home. I know that our time is coming to an end soon, but I’ll always look back on this time with my babies as some of the best in my life. After 40+ months of nursing two daughters, it’s been a long road, but one that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
I’m so glad we made it through. And I’m so grateful that we had the help to keep going.
What do you think about Carly’s story? We think she did an amazing job of fighting for her babies! Thanks for sharing Carly!
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