Have you ever had one of those days where your kid falls out of bed in a sour mood and you just know that it is going to be “one of those days”? It’s not necessarily a bad day for you, but your kid is just having one of the WORST days and can’t seem to pull themselves together. Or maybe it starts off as a good day, but something happens that either makes your kid grumpy or they come home from school falling apart? Everyone has bad days, and our kids are no exception. For us moms, this can be hard to watch and even harder to try and deal with. While we want to simply “fix” it for them, we have to help them learn to work through their issues. If your kids follow the same pattern as mine, I have found myself trying to help a tiny version of myself that isn’t quite old enough for logic and reason. I’ve often found myself at my wits end with no idea of how to help! But they NEED our help! So what do we do?
In my personal experience, I have found that having a good reset is the best way to help them, and it can happen at any point in the day! There are lots of ways to do that, but here are a few ideas that have worked for our family.
Take a Bath
My “go-to” for my kids (especially for my older ones) has been to have them take a bath. I have a nice garden tub and the kids can sit and watch a movie on my tablet. I often add some bath bubbles or throw in a kids bath bomb and maybe put in some epsom salt. I sometimes light some candles and turn out the lights. For my daughter (who is only 4), I just let her play (without the candles). This is something we’ve done enough now with our kids that when my boys start to feel grumpy, they often come and just ask if they can take a bath. It’s amazing how just 20 - 30 mins in the tub can totally change their attitudes!
Give Them a Hug
My middle son has a very high love language of physical touch, so I can often combat his bad mood with a big “momma hug”. I’m not talking a quick “hug and go about your business”, but a “hold ‘em tight for a few minuets” kind of hug. The kind where they relax and sink into it. There is a lot of scientific evidence around how giving a hug can benefit us (you can read “Four Ways Hugs Are Good for Your Health“ here), but I also feel like this one just makes sense. It’s amazing how something we see as so simple can have such a big effect on our little ones!! It may be all the reset they need!
Listen to Them (Let Them Talk)
I make some hot chocolate or pour some juice and sit down at the table with them. If I have cookies or muffins, I may pull one out for them, but this isn’t necessary. Depending on the situation, I may ask “What’s going on” or I may just say “So tell me about your day”. They’re little kids, but they sure can have some big feelings! Listening to them and just letting them talk through their day is very helpful for them in figuring out “life”! I try to limit advice until they ask or until they’ve gotten through all they have to say, just so they know that what they have to say is important. And when I do give advice, it may often look like me asking questions so they can try to come to the same conclusion on their own. “So what do you think you maybe could have done differently instead of doing “X”?” This does tend to work better with my older kids, but you might be surprised at how well the younger ones can do with this!
Play a Game
Have your child pick one of their favorite games out of the game closet and have some fun. Chores and homework can wait, because we know they will be more effective at doing them if they're in a better mood anyway! While I try to be available for my kids to talk through things, I have learned that sometimes they don’t want to talk and just taking some of the pressure off of them and letting them just be a kid can really help their mind relax and refocus on the important things later. Also, this activity allows them to know that I am here for them, even when they don’t have the words to describe what they are feeling and can’t really put their thoughts into words. I am present and available.
Change Your Environment/Activity
Try going for a walk, riding bikes, or just moving to a different room in the house. If you have multiple kids and it’s just one needing a reset, try taking them to a room by themselves to play alone for a little bit. Build with Legos or make something with Play-Dough. Maybe read a book together (my toddlers loved this silly one, but if you’re looking for some that more on the sweet side, I love this one!). You know your kid and what their interests are, so go with that!
Have a Dance Party
Turn on some music and have a dance party! My kids love to dance and it’s interesting how being silly and just moving your body can “dance away” the blues! Join in with them and just have fun!
These are some of the ways I have been able to help my kids over the years, from when they were little to using these same techniques now with my older boys. I have learned that as they are getting older, the more “alone time” or “talking it through” helps as opposed to the “play” activities, but I often combine a couple of these and allow them to disengage for a bit before readdressing the situation with a better mindset a little later. Teaching them how to work through those big feelings is so important now so they know how to handle the even bigger situations later as an adult! And while as adults, we aren’t always able to take a dance break when we start to feel grumpy, you can usually find a quiet place for a few moments to decompress and “shake it off” before returning to your day.
I hope this gives you some tools in your parenting toolbox to help you help your kids. Remember, as parents, we aren’t called to solve their problems, but we are here to teach them how to work through grumpy moods and bad attitudes. What have you found that works for you and your family?
Terri - General Manager at Milk + Honey Jewelry
If your child is having more than a bad day and possibly showing the first signs of sickness, check out our blog "What To Do When Your Child Isn’t Feeling Well” for tips and tricks from seasoned moms who have been there.
Here are some other great lists and resources that might help!
6 Ways To Help Your Toddler "Reset" When They're Having A Bad Day - BabyGaga
7 Tips For Getting Over A Bad Day With Your Kid - First Things First
Helping Kids Reset After a Bad Day - KCParent