Our story this week comes from Sara. Sara discovered that her daughter had a milk protein intolerance and shares how she had to not only make adjustments to her diet, but how it had an impact on her breastfeeding journey.
I always knew I wanted to provide breastmilk for my baby for all its health and immune benefits, but as she grew bigger and the weeks passed by, the more I wanted to nurse. When our sweet girl, Abigail, was born, within that golden hour we were able to nurse for the very first time. She was a pro, right from the start. “You know most babies don’t do this, right? Nurse so well this early?” My labor and delivery and postpartum nurses were in awe. I felt like I hit the jackpot. I’m a first time mom with (obviously) no experience with nursing so thank goodness my baby was a nursing rockstar! Nursing those first few days and weeks at home were easy. She had a great latch, an efficient suck and swallow, and was content between feeds. All was well. When my milk came in I dealt with engorgement and forceful letdown, but we battled through with some help; our lactation consultant told me that my little girl and I “made a great team.” I knew I had it easy. Nursing was such a joy, I vowed not to take it for granted.
Around 6-weeks-old, we went on our first family vacation, the annual beach trip. It was crazy, I know that now. Honestly, I can’t believe we travelled when she was that young, let alone doing a 6-hour car ride. It was stressful but all was going okay until the second day we were there. Suddenly, Abigail started screaming when I’d bring her near to nurse. She’d arch her back and push away. What was happening? Why was she acting this way? We had recently started introducing a bottle to help with my transition back to work in the next couple of months, so we decided I would pump and my husband would bottle-feed her. Now mind you, getting this girl to take a bottle was no piece of cake. We tried 4 different bottles, different positions, environments, you name it. This girl did not want a bottle. Yet here we were in this beach condo bedroom and she doesn’t want the breast? She wasn’t taking the bottle that great either, but at least she was eating. Our minds were racing. Was it something I ate? The stress of travel? Is she sick? No fever and she was otherwise acting normally so we powered through with her intermittently nursing and the other times, pumping and bottle-feeding. Once we got home she, thank God, nursed all day like nothing had changed. Phew! A nursing strike. Praise the Lord, it’s over. Except, it wasn’t.
Later that week (I know, we’re insane), we travelled again to visit family. All hell broke loose. She nursed maybe once when we first arrived, but then not one more time during our entire 4 days there. Still screaming at the breast and arching her back, but now also stopping to scream during bottle feeds. She was so fussy, so discontent. We knew something was wrong. Upon arriving home, I saw it: blood in her poopy diaper. A trip to the pediatrician confirmed what I knew she’d tell me -- Abigail has a milk protein intolerance. I eliminated dairy immediately, in all forms. Not just the obvious milk, cheese, butter … but all the “hidden” dairy in everything. I’m already gluten-free due to my own intolerance so going dairy-free too was a challenge, but I was determined. My concern shifted from “why won’t she nurse,” to “please let my baby just be well-nourished and not harmed by my milk.” Thankfully within a few days, Abigail was already eating more comfortably. Over the following weeks, the screaming and arching stopped and her stools returned to normal. My baby girl was healing. She’d had slow weight gain thus far but after a few weeks of being dairy-free, her weight shot up. She was finally absorbing nutrients, praise God!!
Abigail is now 8-months-old. After returning from that second trip, she nursed a handful of times, just a few minutes each, over the following weeks but ultimately refused the breast altogether. So, for the past 6 months I’ve been exclusively pumping. It’s been hard, emotional, and so humbling. I miss nursing her so much. Yet, I know what a blessing it is to still be able to provide nutrition to my baby through my breastmilk. Moreover, I’ve been able to donate my milk to 2 other babies in need, and my husband and family members have been able to share in the connection and tenderness that lies within feeding our baby girl. These things are gifts. For me personally, though, the greatest gift is the work this journey has done in my heart. Before her breast refusal, I held so much of my worth in my success in nursing. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was an idol to me. Truthfully, even though my breastfeeding journey has not been at all what I hoped or envisioned, I’m so grateful that idol was torn down. It has been painful, but it has taught me to have faith when you don’t understand, and to find peace and rest in the Lord. It has shown me that as a mother, there is so much that is out of your control. It has shown me that sometimes things end before you’re ready for them to, and even though it wasn’t my choice, I can still decide to honor the chooser (in this case, Abigail) and serve them in their choice. It has shown me that I am not alone. Through this journey my husband has been with me every step of the way, supporting and encouraging me, as well as my family, friends, and workplace who always make sure I have a comfortable place to pump and safe food to eat. I have connected with so many moms who are going through their own trials and victories. We’ve shared stories, tricks, and wisdom; the encouragement these women have given me is immeasurable. Lastly, it has shown me that even in my weakness, I am strong in Christ.
Our journey isn’t yet over. I’m still pumping for my baby girl and I still continue to pray that she will return to nursing. But even if she doesn’t, I’m so grateful for it all. Whatever your journey looks like, however it unfolds and whenever it ends, it is beautiful and it is a blessing.
What do you think of Sara’s story? We think she did an awesome job at providing for her daughter, even through some non-ideal circumstances. And she allowed those times to teach her some great lessons in life! Thank you for sharing Sara!
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