Megan's Breastfeeding Story from the NICU

Our breastfeeding story this week comes from Megan. Megan shares her story of pumping for her daughter in the NICU.

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My breastfeeding story is not the typical one or the story I thought I would have. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and imagined having multiple children early on. We waited until we were 28 to get married, traveled a bit, and I decided to get off of birth control after a year of marriage. My doctor warned me it could take some time to regulate, but I was not ready for the journey we were going to have. 

We started trying to conceive in 2018 and did not have an easy time. My period never came and after 6 months of trying to regulate, I had to be put on medication to induce my period. My gynecologist at the time did blood work and realized I was not ovulating when I was supposed to be and that my testosterone was high. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2018 and was sent to a PCOS specialist/Fertility doctor. At this time, I was working for a school that did not cover fertility treatments, so we had to wait until I changed jobs and/or switched to my husband's insurance. Thankfully I got a new teaching job in a District that covered fertility in 2019. 

The reason that we went to this specific fertility doctor was because he was a PCOS specialist. My husband and I both did bloodwork and I was put on Metformin to help with my PCOS and to lose weight. At this time I began working out and watching what I was eating, trying to be healthy so I could conceive. The only way I would get a regular period was if I was weight lifting 3 times a week and was under a certain weight. This was not the best time of my life and then COVID happened and the world stopped. 

We had to pause all our fertility treatments/plans because of COVID. Once we were able to begin again, things that happened at our doctor started to question if we were at the right fertility office for us. They gave us condescending information, wanted my husband to retake tests that he already took, and finally they gave us wrong test results. This last step was when we decided we needed to find a new fertility doctor. We ended up switching fertility doctors and got very lucky and got pregnant on our first round of IUI in January of 2021, with a due date of September 28. We decided we didn’t want to know the gender and wanted to be surprised. 

Since this was a fertility pregnancy and with a diagnosis of a short cervix, I was considered high risk. I would see my normal OB and then a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor regularly. While preparing for the baby and not knowing the gender, we decided to make the nursery a Harry Potter theme. My husband and I are both obsessed with books and movies. This would be a perfect theme for our new addition. We had our nursery planned, showers planned, a mini babymoon planned and were so excited for the third trimester! 

During our babymoon, I started having leg pain and chest pain. I was 27 weeks and was cleared to travel by my OB. I assumed it was just because we drove 8 hours to Tennessee and was being affected by the elevation. I was swollen for most of my pregnancy, but my blood pressure was always okay. When we got back from Tennessee, I had my normal 28 week check up (even though I was 27+3 at the time). The OB found protein in my urine and my liver enzymes were elevated. 

I was first hospitalized on July 2, 2021 for preeclampsia monitoring. We spent the 4th of July weekend in the hospital, but were lucky since we had a surround sound view of fireworks. By Monday, my liver enzymes went back to normal and I was put on bedrest at home with weekly appointments with my MFM doctor and my OB. I was not allowed to start the school year in August, and was told we were going to keep the baby in for as long as possible. Three days after I was released from the hospital at my first MFM appointment, I was hospitalized again because my baby’s umbilical cord was being affected by my blood pressure being so high. 

I delivered our daughter on July 8, 2021 (we didn’t know what we were having!) at 28+2. We named her Nora. My preeclampsia turned into HELLP syndrome and I had an emergency c-section, which I was put under for. My platelets were at 44 when I went into surgery and I needed a blood transfusion. She was in the NICU for 76 days and my breastfeeding journey was pumping because that was literally the only thing I could do. Since I am a teacher and on summer break, I was pumping every 3-4 hours – at home and while visiting Nora in the NICU. When Nora was first born, she was only getting a very tiny amount, so each of my pumps was feeding her for a few days. I had a fairly normal supply and would pump anywhere from 2-6 ounces every pump. I filled up the NICU freezer and our freezer at home. It was a long time until I actually had to bring milk to the hospital since I pumped there everyday. 

Due to all this pumping and freezing, I was able to feed Nora through her NICU stay and up until she was 4 months old / 1 month adjusted. Nora was able to come home on September 22, 2021. I stopped fresh pumping in the beginning of October, and she ate all of the frozen milk. 

Pumping was exhausting, but it was the only thing I had control of while she was in the NICU. It, honestly, was the only thing that made me feel like a real mom for those 76 days. I found Milk + Honey on Instagram, and at first I thought it was weird…. But then I started my own journey and realized how special this is and how time consuming and close it made me and Nora.

I got a ring and I wear it on my thumb. It has gold and red flakes - gold and red to represent Gryffindor House and red for Nora’s birthstone, which is a Ruby. I adore my breast milk mothers ring because it reminds me of what Nora and I overcame and how our relationship started. If Nora would be lucky enough to attend Hogwarts, she would for sure be in Gryffindor House for her bravery. It’s amazing to me how much she has already done in her short life and I am so lucky to be her mother through this all.

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What do you think about Megan’s story? We think she did an awesome job! Thanks for sharing Megan!

Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!

Alyssa's Breastfeeding Story

This breastfeeding story comes from Alyssa. Alyssa had two different journeys breastfeeding her sons and learned some valuable life lessons!

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When our first son was born, it was my goal to breastfeed for 6 months. I was certain I wouldn’t want to go beyond that and would happily relinquish feeding duty to his dad at that time. Well, I breastfed our first son until he was 17 months old. Aside from the usual aches, pains, and learning curves, it was a pretty easy journey. He latched right away, my milk came in right on time, and before I knew it I could feed him while simultaneously folding laundry or cooking dinner. Despite intermittently feeling like a human pacifier, I really enjoyed our breastfeeding journey and was all sorts of emotional when my son decided he was done out of the blue one day. I had been a slight over-supplier so I was able to donate about 80 ounces I had left over to a baby that had been adopted. The whole journey felt so great, I would dare say perfect, so when I got pregnant with our second baby I expected the same thing. 

Insert sarcastic laughter here.*

Our second son came into this world thinking everything would be given to him with minimal effort on his part. He had a lazy latch, he lost nearly 10% of his body weight by 3 days old, his bilirubin was borderline, and my milk trickled in slowly which resulted in us nearly having to supplement with formula. Gasp! Supplementing was absolutely not an option in my mind at the time so I shoved my toddler over to my husband and breastfed nearly 24/7 for the next 2 days in an attempt to fix everything. Which I did. I was thrilled when our son’s weight surpassed his birth weight and his bilirubin levels returned to normal within a week of delivery. I thought the worst was behind us until a white-coated tongue reared its ugly head and our sweet babe was diagnosed with thrush. For 5 weeks, I gave him oral nystatin 4 times per day and applied clotrimazole cream to my nipples after every single feed. I sterilized all of my pump equipment and washed everything that came in touch with my breastmilk on a daily basis. I remember thinking to myself that I’d rather have mastitis because it’d be easier to treat. So when the aching and redness started, I laughed and cursed at myself. Our little guy had a tongue tie, so we had that revised and I finished antibiotics and was back to normal for a few days. And then the body aches and redness came back with a vengeance. 

Since his birth 5 months ago, I have had 7 bouts of mastitis resulting in multiple antibiotics, 2 mammograms, decreased milk supply, and the seemingly dreaded necessity to supplement with formula. This decision came with so much anxiety, feelings of guilt, and lots of tears. I felt like a failure. I spend portions of my day working in healthcare telling moms that “fed is best”, but I couldn’t accept that myself. My loving, supportive, encouraging husband assured me that I was doing such a great job; that supplementing was not a sign of failure. I have successfully built my supply back up since this most recent bout of mastitis but we continue to supplement because our son seems to be a bottomless pit. I am so glad I continue to provide for him, but I am also happy that my husband can tag in and give him a bottle from time to time so that I can spend more time with our toddler or get a stretch of sleep once in a blue moon. 

This breastfeeding journey has been nothing compared to my first. It has come with different forms of growth, a different appreciation for the challenges that cause mothers to quit breastfeeding, a deeper sense of satisfaction in overcoming obstacle after obstacle, and letting go of the plans I made and going with the flow instead. At the end of the day, I am just as proud of this journey as I am of my first, even if I am unable to breastfeed as long as I did previously. By sharing my story, it is my hope that any woman who reads it feels accomplished no matter what her story is. Though each story is unique, every woman should feel proud of bringing a life into the world and making the often tough decisions necessary to ensure her child is happy and healthy. Because we may not be perfect, but we are exactly what our children need. And sometimes we forget how incredibly amazing we are.

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What do you think about Alyssa’s story? We think she is amazing! Thanks for sharing Alyssa!

Did you face the possibility of supplementing or formula feeding your baby due to issues with breastfeeding? How did you work through that decision? Let us know in the comments below!

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Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!

Overcoming "Mom Guilt"

“Mom guilt”. While every mom feels it in a different way or area, we pretty much all struggle with it. Mom guilt is basically guilt or negative feelings circling around not doing enough (fun activities, healthy meal planning, educational based games) with your kids and the overwhelming feeling that you are “messing up” your child(ren)’s life long term. We’ve ALL been there! And if you’re new to motherhood, you likely will experience it in the near future. With social media and the never ending extra curricular activities out there for our children to be involved in, it’s hard to not get smacked in the face with your supposed “shortcomings” as a mother. It can leave you “stress paralyzed”, feeling so overwhelmed that you can’t even do the simple, daily tasks or activities for your kids or family.

When Susie posts that beautifully laid out plate of whole grain pancakes made into perfect hearts dyed with beet powder, a side of scrambled eggs and heart shaped fruit for a valentine’s day breakfast, it can make you feel like you don’t care enough about your kids health when they’re eating a bowl of cereal for the 100th day in a row before they are rushed out the door to the bus stop. 

Or when Debbie shows up at the local moms group talking about all the fun hiking adventures she took her kids on and how they are studying nature (at 12 months or 2 year old) in such great depth; on time, dressed well, make-up on point, latte in hand. Then you show up running through the door 15 mins late, looking like a hot mess, spilling your coffee and the last bit of your sanity and haven’t done a single planned activity (much less an education one!) in over a month. 

As a mom, it’s so hard when we see other moms who look like they have it all together and to not let guilt creep in and weigh us down. It can be so overwhelming sometimes that it keeps us from actually doing the very things we want to do (make a healthier breakfast for our kids or do more outside activities) because we tell ourselves that we’ll never be good enough. It can overtake our thinking in such a way that we try to make all the changes at once and become an even more stressed out mess and end up right back where we started! 

So what do we do? How do we overcome “mom guilt”?

The first thing we need to do as moms is STOP COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHER MOMS!!! This may seem like a no-brainer, but we all know that it isn’t as easy as a snap of the finger. With social media, it’s in our face all the time! Maybe for you, the first step is to put down the phone and take a step back from social media - or that friend that means well, snooze her profile for 30 days so you don’t see her posts all the time. For me personally, I have found that if I make a conscious effort to uplift that other mom in her accomplishments (ex: “Susie - that is such an amazing looking breakfast! Your kids are so blessed by you finding special ways to show them you care!”), it can change my perspective entirely! I read another blog a few years back that really helped me change my mindset around this - “Ten Ways To Be Another Mom’s Cheerleader”. It is great on so many levels, but if you struggle with comparing yourself to other moms, this might help you to shift your perspective. When we focus on uplifting other moms, not only do we help build up a stronger community of moms (and therefore kids), but we also stop focusing on the negative in our life. Without that negative perspective looming over us, we might even find the energy to scramble some eggs and chop up some strawberries once in a while for the kids breakfast! (It isn’t all or nothing, after all.)

The second thing we need to do as moms is to understand the importance of self care. Bump yourself up on your priority list because YOU are a priority - and don’t allow that “mom guilt” to creep in! You’re a better mom when you practice self-care (really - I promise!). After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup! Whether it’s taking 15 minutes after the kids are finally in bed to soak in the tub instead of finishing up the laundry or skipping the weekly playdate (your kids favorite part of the week) because this week just had too many other commitments and you just can’t mentally handle one more thing on the agenda), understand that you aren’t being selfish for putting your needs ahead of your child from time to time. The more relaxed and refreshed you are, the more energy (physical and mental) you will have for the fun activities later. I’ve seen in my personal life just how much the atmosphere of our home shifts when I get some “me time”. When I am able to clear my head and relax, I’m happier and much more willing to let my kids make the cornstarch mud they’ve been begging to make for three weeks and don’t even give a thought about the mess it will make. (That was a fun activity if you don’t mind a bit of a mess!)  My kids are happier because they aren’t walking on eggshells trying not to upset mom. Heck, my husband is even happier because when I’ve had that time to unwind, I have more time to offer to him instead of worrying about the disastrous state of the house! Oh my house is still a mess, but my attitude surrounding it is what has changed - making everyone inside my home much happier.

(Check out some of our favorite Self Care products!!!)

The third thing you need to overcome mom guilt is to FIND YOUR TRIBE!! It’s not always an easy task, I know, especially if you’re more of an introvert like me, but we all need at least a few moms in our corner who can listen to us spill our guts, let us cry, then pick us up and fill us full of compliments (and coffee), fix our make-up, and send us on our way. When you have other moms who encourage and support you, it’s much easier to overcome those feelings of guilt when they creep in - because you know there are other mommas that have your back and who likely think like you, mom like you, and for certain who don’t judge you in your parenting. We NEED those mommas in our lives to come along side of us and support us.

The last thing we need when dealing with mom guilt is GRACE. I have learned a lot about myself through the years I’ve been a mom, but one of the things I’ve learned that has lately become a theme in my life is that I am not a hyper gracious person. I struggle with showing grace to others, including my kids, but especially myself. This is something I recognize and I am working on improving in my life as a mom, but I also see the need to allow myself some grace when I make mistakes or miss the mark in my parenting. I am not perfect, but neither is Susie! When I allow grace for myself, I don’t allow the guilt of where I *think* I’ve missed the mark to weigh heavy on me. I can address any issues, make corrections as needed and move on! Grace is a wonderful thing when we allow it to operate as intended, but we have to give it a place in our own life!

Mom guilt comes in all different forms and sometimes hits out of nowhere. It can be scary and overwhelming trying to deal with it and when you find yourself second guessing every choice you make as a mom, it’s time to step back and address the guilt we’re feeling. The tools listed above are certain to help (although there are other tools out there you can use), but remember, they won’t change your circumstances, only your mindset - allowing you clarity as you walk through life and parenting. You certainly aren’t perfect, none of us are. But you are enough! You’re enough for your kids, your family, the roles you’ve been called to (not always the roles you take on, but that’s another blog for another day). 

I’ll leave you with this - a quote from one of my favorite movies “Mom’s Night Out”:

“Let me tell you something, girl. I doubt the Good Lord made a mistake giving your kiddos the mama He did. So you just be you. He'll take care of the rest.”

Terri - General Manager at Milk + Honey Jewelry

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Have you or do you still struggle with “Mom Guilt”? How have you worked to overcome it? Do you have any tips for the mom who is in the thick of it?

Skyla's Breastfeeding Story of How Fed is Best

Our story this week comes from Skyla. Skyla had a rough start to breastfeeding and was under a tremendous amount of pressure from family to make it work. Read how Skyla worked through that pressure to find what worked best for her and her baby.

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Nobody ever really knows what to expect when getting pregnant. You hear so many horror stories of how people feel during pregnancy from the 24/7 morning sickness all the way to the terrifying medical problems. But one thing is for sure; everyone talks about how excited they are to be pregnant, to bring a life into the world. My journey was different. My pregnancy was relatively simple? Aside from morning sickness briefly and some heartburn near the end, I didn’t really feel pregnant except the obviously large baby bump.

This being my first baby, I was both terrified yet so excited to finally become a mom. Something I’ve always wanted since I was 18 years of age (I am now 30). There was a lot of conversation between my partner and I regarding how things would be once baby came, but 2 things I was unsure of was finding out the gender before the little one came and breastfeeding. Yes, we waited the entire pregnancy not knowing what we were having! I secretly tried finding out later on behind my partner's back but our little one had other plans. 

Whenever I thought about the idea of breastfeeding, it honestly kind of terrified me. I’ve seen online of women whose breasts become lopsided or getting mastitis and it was scary to me. I have had conversations with friends and other women about it and most would agree the best is when baby is fed. Doesn’t matter if it is from the breast, from pumping to bottle or straight formula feeding. Although most of the people I know would give very supportive answers and would tell me that whatever I choose will be right for my baby, my mother-in-law had a very strong opinion when it came to “breast is best”. As a young mother to 3, she raised all 3 of them and breast-fed all for as long as she could. She gave some really valid points that definitely swayed me more to wanting to breastfeed. While being in the middle of a pandemic, I wanted to be able to give my child the best I could. I made the decision before they came that I would breast feed. It has amazing nutritional values, great for her immune system and it was free. 

Sixteen days before my due date at around 9:00pm, my water broke. I had just finished peeing in the bathroom and I was just sitting down to eat a delicious deep-fried donut that I had been waiting all day for. “What in the world just happened? Did I pee myself? I just went to the bathroom but I wouldn’t be surprised if I did.” These are a few things that were running through my head in that moment, as I had never had my water break before. But I knew! I knew it had because it just kept coming out. I was panicking briefly, yelling up to my mother-in-law while I’m in my underwear because we didn’t have our hospital bag packed and I wasn’t ready. My partner had gone out to participate in a hockey game but didn’t think to keep his phone on him so I couldn’t get ahold of him. After having a friend drive down to the arena whose husband was playing with my partner, she informed him I was going into labor.

As I am casually packing my bag, my partner is barreling down the stairs in half gear panicking, expecting me to have already had the baby! A little dramatic and pre-anticipated but I was calm and packing our hospital bag while standing in our room in a diaper, literally! But after it was packed and he finished showering, we were on our way thinking this baby was coming tonight. It had previously been decided that I would be having a C-section due to a medical concern but we weren’t sure if they were going to schedule one that night or hold off. Thankfully they decided to give me some morphine to slow down labor and let me sleep it off until booking an emergency cesarean for 8am the next morning. I was so nervous and so excited at the same time, I was up until 4am just hanging out in the closet of a room that they set me up in.

Morning rolls up and my partner wakes me up holding a coffee, a bagel sandwich and a hash brown from Tim Horton’s. It was actually quite a nice gesture bringing me breakfast since I couldn’t eat my donut last night and needed to fast in order to have this baby. 

As my partner and I are talking while he’s eating breakfast, which was such a tease since by this point I’m starving, the doctor comes in and informs me that it is time to start heading to the Operating Room. It’s happening, it is finally time that we are going to bring our little baby into the world. It is so scary but yet so exciting. And after 2 hours of prep and operating, she was here! That’s right, we had a little girl!! She was finally here and we could start our journey together.

In the recovery room after they did all of the baby’s measurements, the nurse finally hands her over to try and breastfeed. She is struggling. Going into labour early plus having a C-section, my colostrum didn’t come in. It was quite frustrating, as we knew the baby had to eat but my body just hadn’t had time to produce what she needed.

As a first time mom when my partner would head home to sleep, I would find myself, late at night alone, trying to understand what it means to be just that… a first time mom. 

Although I had some nurses who were amazing and open to helping me try and get my milk to come in so that the baby can try and breastfeed, I did have an extremely negative experience on my last night that I will never forget. 

With the pressures of my milk not coming in and being told I can’t leave the hospital unless I have a solid breastfeeding plan to try to navigate motherhood on my own, it was quite overwhelming. I had been ringing the bell hoping to have a nurse help me try and figure out how to express so that my milk would come in. It was very late (4AM), I was extremely sleep deprived and on top of that, dealing with a screaming newborn that was hungry because I had nothing. She couldn’t breastfeed. I wanted to breastfeed but my only option was to give formula. 

When someone over the speaker finally answered me, they said someone would come and help me then dismissed the alarm. After 30-45 minutes of nobody coming to help, I rang the bell again… this older woman came into the room, pushed the bassinet out of the way, knocked over the garbage can and its contents and turned the alarm off. She asked me what I wanted and I told her, “I am extremely exhausted, I’m trying to get my milk to come in to feed the baby. Can you please help?” 

She looked at me and with a ignorant/dismissive tone, she told me that she doesn’t know what to tell me, maybe I should just bottle feed the baby and go to bed. After she said that, she just walked out of the room. I then had to crawl out of bed to bring the bassinet back next to the bed so I could put the baby in it and bent down to the ground 3 days post-op from a caesarean to pick up the garbage can that definitely weighed more than the baby and the garbage that spilled all over the floor. 

I was upset because I was tired, and struggling. I felt defeated. I wanted to be able to do what every mother is capable of doing but I couldn’t. On top of my milk coming in slowly, I was only given fast flow nipples so my journey to breastfeed ended long before it even started. Imagine the first hours/days of your life, you are funneling your food down and not needing to work for it like you would if you were to have breastfed from the start. Of course she didn’t want to latch, she just wanted the food now.

After being discharged from the hospital, I was finally able to start over and try and have my journey to breastfeeding be a little different. Maybe we could find a way to have her latch without getting so angry my milk wasn’t coming out like a rocket. So many hopes, but it didn’t end up going that way. She only wanted a bottle, so I was trying to pump and feed on demand. I couldn’t keep up with how much she needed to eat because my milk hadn’t really come in yet and I still had pressures within the home of needing to feed directly from the breast. Having my father-in-law tell me that the only way I am going to bond with my daughter is if she is breastfed straight from the boob and his wife agreeing. So I was determined to feed her breast milk somehow. With that being stuck in my head I was constantly trying to get her to latch when she was hungry but it was the same thing, scream consistently until she got the bottle. And for any exclusively breast pumping mommas out there, they can all agree that it is like a job in itself. The whole process could take an hour and a half from pumping your breasts, to feeding the baby, to washing the bottles and breast pump equipment, to sterilizing. It was a lot! And by the time you were finished, the kid is all of a sudden hungry again. I felt like a cow at this point, trying to keep up with my oversupply of milk to make sure I don’t get mastitis and to make sure we weren’t giving the baby formula because “breast is best”. I was exhausted.

My entire breastfeeding lasted about 2 months. Within those 2 months, I had completely lost myself and my mental health went so far down; I wasn’t in a safe mindset. Prior to having my daughter, I was diagnosed with Perinatal Depression and Anxiety so I was already struggling mentally. But after, it became so much worse. The moment where everyone finally realized that formula feeding the baby might be a better choice was when I put my daughter in an unsafe position and it took me 30 minutes to realize what had happened. She was thankfully safe and okay, but I had completely shut down and was at my breaking point. I didn’t want to stop giving her breast milk because I knew it was better for her than formula, and it was inexpensive. Spending $50 every week and a half on a carton of formula just wasn’t a part of my breastfeeding journey. I felt guilty for not being able to keep up with what I wanted for her but I knew that my mental health is what would be best for us as a family in the end. I went from exclusively pumping to supplementing formula for first and last feeds to strictly formula. In that moment, that was when I started to see that I was becoming more of myself again, I was becoming her mom. Aside from the struggles that were still happening internally with PPD and PPA, I was able to finally have some free time to enjoy being a mother. I started to appreciate that I finally made the right steps for myself and for my daughter.

There are so many arguments and debates towards why “breast is best” but realistically, it’s not. Fed is best! My milk supply wasn’t enough for my daughter, it wasn’t fatty enough so she wasn’t gaining weight and as I had already mentioned, it completely destroyed my mental health to where I couldn’t be a mother, a partner or even a person at that point. Formula feeding her was actually helping her grow and thrive and the free time I had from not having to do the whole pumping process was letting me enjoy motherhood finally. I am now 8 months postpartum, still struggling with PPD and PPA but I am enjoying being a mother more than I ever imagined. She officially crawled yesterday and a week ago she said her first words, “mama”.

Motherhood is so beautiful, even with those difficult moments in some weird way they help us become stronger parents. Now that I look back on my journey, the only advice I would give to myself would be to not stress and care so much about what others do or say. This is YOUR journey, do what you feel is best for you and your child. The choices you make will always be the right one. And don’t feel guilty when you make a decision that is best for your health as well because in the end, it will benefit yourself and your child.

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What do you think about Skyla’s story? We think she did an amazing job at figuring out what worked best for her and her baby! Thanks for sharing Skyla!

Would you like to share your breastfeeding story on our blog? Submit it here!