This week, our story comes from Laura. One thing we love about Laura’s story is how she faced many challenges in her breastfeeding journey, but she sought help and didn’t give up!
Before my son was born, I knew I wanted to at least attempt to breastfeed. I wasn’t against formula by any means, but I knew there were some amazing benefits to breastmilk for baby and mama, and to me there was something incredible about feeding my baby the way babies have been fed for centuries.
Throughout my pregnancy, my blood pressure increased little by little, but the doctors weren’t overly worried about it. Around 33 weeks my ankles started to get really swollen but at my 34 week appointment, my blood pressure was fine. At 35 weeks 6 days, my ankles were getting even more swollen than normal, and I could feel the swelling climbing up my leg. The school nurse took my blood pressure, and it came up as 180/120. She said she wasn’t sure it was working correctly, but she calmly suggested I go to the hospital. I checked into the hospital at 5:30pm, and my blood pressure was so high that the nurse said “Wow, that’s impressive.” I had severe pre-eclampsia, and they said we were going to have our baby that night. Our son Angus was born via emergency c-section at 8:01pm, weighing 5lbs15oz.
For the first 24 hours of my son’s life I was stuck in bed because of blood pressure medication. Angus was still in the NICU being monitored for breathing, and his blood oxygen levels kept dropping below 90. I only got to see him every 2-3 hours when they brought him to me, and only for short visits. The nurses started to talk to me about breastfeeding, and one of the nurses expressed colostrum from my breasts so they could start to feed Angus through an NG tube (through his nose). They gave me a pump and taught me how to use it. I tried to nurse Angus when they brought him in to visit, but he fell asleep pretty much right away every time, so I continued with pumping. Since he was so small, they asked if I wanted to only feed him MY breast milk, whether I was comfortable with using donated breast milk in addition to mine, and whether I was comfortable supplementing with formula to add more calories. At that point, my only concern was about my son being healthy and to get him growing, so I agreed to using both donated milk and formula, and I kept pumping every 2-3 hours.
After a few days my production started to increase and the nurses didn’t have to use any donor milk anymore, but we were adding formula to my milk for extra calories. After 2 days of getting milk through the NG tube, Angus started to drink from bottles. They took out his NG tube, which was really exciting, but he still wasn’t doing great with nursing. The NICU nurses said that it was normal for babies born before 37 weeks to struggle, because they don’t understand the suck-swallow-breathe pattern. The lactation consultant at the hospital came by several times during our stay, and she helped us with proper positioning. She also suggested using a nipple shield, so we did. Angus was in the NICU for 13 days. The hospital had a great program where if they had extra rooms I could sleep at the hospital for as long as he was there. I was able to stay there almost the entire time, getting up for every feeding. We would try nursing for a few minutes, then I would pump and then bottle feed him. The night before he was going to be discharged, I slept at home, slept an extra hour or two between pumps, and I developed my first of a few bouts with a clogged duct and mastitis. We got settled at home, but I was getting up every 3 hours to triple feed (nurse, bottle feed, pump). My husband sometimes offered to do the nighttime feedings but I had to pump anyway, so I was up every 3 hours for weeks. His pediatrician asked us to keep supplementing with formula. Angus and I both cried many times over the next 5 weeks; he was slow to figure out nursing, and I was so frustrated at every feeding. I felt like I was somehow failing him, even though he was thriving and a very happy baby.
I started to seek out lactation help since we were not making much progress. I went to a lactation appointment at the hospital, and she said “He’s a mystery to me” which was not helpful or reassuring. I started going to the breastfeeding support group at the hospital. The woman running the group was another lactation consultant, and she did in-home lactation visits. I was starting to give up hope that he would nurse, but I set up a home visit with her. Having her come into my home was so much less stressful than going into the hospital for a visit. She helped me relax and taught me strategies to get him more interested in nursing, rather than forcing it at feeding time. She suggested we spend as much time as possible doing skin-to-skin, letting him find his way there on his own, and assuring me that him falling asleep at the breast wasn’t a bad thing, it just meant he was content there! She also encouraged me to take a break during some of the feeds, and to not force it if it wasn’t going well.
Slowly, we both started to get more comfortable, and nursing became less stressful and more successful. I distinctly remember when he was crying after his first set of shots, that was the first feeding that felt really successful. After our second lactation visit (at 7 weeks old), after watching him nurse, she suggested that we try exclusively nursing for a week and see how it went. I was nervous, and there was one night when Angus was upset ALL. NIGHT. LONG. At the end of that week, he had lost weight. I realized that he must have been hungry that entire night, and I was devastated. The following week we went back to a bottle or two per day with extra calories, but Angus was doing even better with nursing, and it felt like he was finally nursing until he was satisfied. That week he gained almost 10 ounces! From there, we weaned off the bottles and exclusively nursed. We were still using nipple shields at that point, and slowly we weaned off those too. I went back to work when he was 15 weeks. I pumped on the way to and from work every day (thank goodness for a battery operated pump and a hands free bra!), and twice during the day to make sure he had enough milk to drink at daycare. I work in different schools every day as a consultant, so I was pumping in storage closets most days. It was really challenging to plan my day around pumping and there were days when I missed pumps or didn’t pump enough. At that point, I had set myself the goal of making it to a year, but
I was ready to be done pumping. In March, when he was 11 months old, we got quarantined because of COVID-19, so we surpassed our year goal with no problem! It is much easier for me to let him nurse than it is to make a snack!
Angus is 14 months old now, and he still nurses several times a day. Some days those are the only times my son slows down and the only snuggles I get! Struggling through the first two months of our breastfeeding journey gives me so much more appreciation for every single feed we have together. Even if he decides to stop nursing tomorrow, it will be one of the things I’m most proud of as a mom. For any moms who have their heart or mind set on breastfeeding, I highly suggest recruiting a lactation consultant if you can to help figure out your journey! And no matter what, remember that you are the best mom for your baby, and only you and your baby know what’s right for you two!
What do you think about Laura’s story? We think she did an awesome job reaching out for help until she found the help she needed! Thanks for sharing Laura!
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